i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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