Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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