My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
