did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
