I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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