in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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