Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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