I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
