I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish you could order shots online.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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