dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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