It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
