You can't motorboat a personality
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
