my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
