careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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