I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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