I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
