You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
