Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
