I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
