She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
