Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
