Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
