it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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