they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
