He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
