im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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