its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
