so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
