Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.

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(718): View more from New York

If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.

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(330): View more from Ohio

that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning

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(325): View more from Texas

The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

How have you survived this long?

(479): View more from Arkansas

Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.

(816): View more from Missouri

I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.

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(561): View more from Florida

Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.

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