I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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