Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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