omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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