You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
