I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
