well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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