I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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