I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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