i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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