Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
