His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
