I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
