so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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