i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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