At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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