guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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