were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
God I need to hump something, right now.
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