Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
