PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
