Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
