Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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