so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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