Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
