Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
