you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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