drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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