i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
