so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
