omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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