Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
