Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
