She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
