Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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