I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
