Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
