I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
