then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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