I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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