I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
