So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
