We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize