If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
